With restaurants opening (outdoors) a couple of weeks ago, I kind of forgot I owned a computer let alone wrote a newsletter. I’ve quickly been indoctrinated into the religious cult that is the French café, so I’ll have plenty of scientific findings to share regarding this anthropologic study. To get back into these updates, tho, I wanted to start with sandwiches (I’ve been eating a lot of them) butttt as personality types (because nobody asked😄).
Why sandwiches? To me, good bread can be used as a vehicle to eat just about anything. In the absence of sit-down dining, I found it the best opportunity to eat my way through Paris while on my Spring Break. (Warning: all commentary and consumption took place in late March, subject to change in past months).
The Savage
Big, loud, life of the party. Their reputation preceeds them, but they have all of the savagery to back it up😎 Not afraid to drop hot takes or call you out if you’re wrong. Despite their strong personality, they can hang with any crowd - a people-pleaser if you will.
The folks at the famed Chez Alain Miam Miam can only trust the customers to make 3 decisions: L or XL? Type of fromage? Type of viande? All the rest, way above our paygrade as lowly, normal people. My friend Jae and I (hi bae) were permitted to sample the fromage selection to best inform decision #2 (both of us eventually settling on Comté). When it came to #3, I did not want to blow my whole experience by picking the wrong meat, I ask the classic “what would you recommend?” He says, with a smile, “you can’t go wrong!” I say, “okay, I’ll take the jambon cuit (cooked ham) then!” With a horrified look and a headshake of dissaprovement, he says, “no, you’ll take the Iberico ham.” SAVAGE. You could tell they put so much thought and love into sandwich craftsmenship, and it was the first smalltalk I had had since coming to Paris. Put me in my place👏👏
The Ex-Pat
Studies abroad in Paris. Makes little to no attempt to speak French except for a “Paaarlayyy Vouzzz Frawwnsayzzz?” when entering a store or resto. Shamelessly and unapologetically American. But also kind of having an identity crisis? She claims she’s from San Diego but like also lived in Dallas and went to school in New York City. Pathologically lies about being “into brownies.”
With Emily running around in Paris again filming season 2, there is a lot of French-American cultural hostility brooding in the air. The ex-pat ‘wich from Bagels and Brownies only adds fuel to this fire. I would be lying if I said I didn’t get homesick every once in a while, and a big, fluffy New York-style bagel is hard to come by in the city of bread. Lines of suave French middle-schoolers gave me hope for B&B. But, as I learned with DoMac (verlan for McDonald’s), it’s because bagels and brownies are exotic americana.
Call me a snob, but something about a stale bagel heaped with American cheese slices and baloney does not get me going. As for the brownies? A single, dried-up brown block adorned the window next to some equally-as-depressing cookies. It may as well be called Bagels and Brownie 😂 All in all, a comically bad experience.
The Wannabe Influencer
Just dropped a shoe line. Always sitting on their computer in the window “working” aka just surfing the RealReal. Speaks in Franglish, can’t be bothered to remember your name or order while constantly seeking your validation and support. Working 800 different side-hustles simultaneously.
What is it about a Bacon Egg and Cheese sandwich that is so magical? A runny sunny side-up egg oozing into a soft, warm bun - punctuated by the saltiness of bacon and finished with a cheese-pull bite. Okay, I’m an enthusiast.
Paperboy, located in the up-and-coming hipster area in between the 9th and the 11th, has a cool brand with a cute logo. They seem to try their hand at every industry: even sandwichmaking. The Turkey Egg and Cheese was underwhelming, I think mostly due to the lukewarm temperature upon eating. Jae’s order was essentially sushi on bread (with, yes I’ll admit, a pretty cool cross-section), which just should not be a thing. Valiant effort though? The pressed juices slapped, but for a whopping amount of euros, I think I’ll stick to the McMuffin.
The Softboi
Or the i’M nOt LiKe oTheR gIrLs girl. More to them than meets the eye, or so they want you to think. Maintains a very aesthetically pleasing social media presence while not wanting you to think they try too hard. Kind of a flake, always here or there. Part of an incredibly almost weirdly tight friend group that low key fills you with envy (even though they aren’t as close as you think). Still really nice tho🥰🥰
Stumbled upon Le Favori by way of Lara Violetta (a tres tres chic and with-it Marais fashion YouTuber), and dragged Jae with me to the miniscule store-front in the 9eme arrondisment that we accidentally passed like 3 times without seeing.
While Alain Miam Miam gave the warmth and consideration of great hospitality, Le Favori won brownie points in a different way: the sandwiches being prepared by models. No, like, actual male models. People came and went as we stood nervously in the back, taking our time to “decide our order” // ogle.
Now, what even constitutes a good sandwich in my eyes? For starters, a satisfying cross-section is a MUST. And it also seems to be all the rage among the hip and modern sandwich maisons of Paris. Jae also got the ginger-citrusy juice of the day - juice!! Another French obsession. Both of these softbois did not dissapoint, and I will def be returning to try their take on an egg sandwich.
The History Geek
Really well-read. Ends each day with a New York Times’ crossword puzzle. Always wanting to take the scenic route, or stopping to read every single historical sign in Paris. Kind of a grandpa, dresses like one too.
Right down the street from Alain lies Caractere de Cochon. Another popular “best sandwich in Paris” contender online, it’s famed for its purist and dedicated approach to the Jambon et Beurre ‘wich.
Essentially, you enter the store quite literally brimming to the edge with meats. Cured meats, hung meats, meats in vats of sauce, meat meat meat. For the J&B, the only decision you have to make is: which meat? Indecision peaking, I once again ask, “wellll what do you reccomend?” Eventually, the nice man led us to picking a classic cured ham (also one of the most inexpensive options, which range from 7 to 100 euros).
Something spiritual about this sandwich, I felt like I was taking a hunking bite off of a piece of history. Purist, simple, no-nonsense (unlike a lot of the other sandwiches I have tried here). The cold smoothess of the butter wads softened the powerful taste of the cured ham, all on a simple baguette.
The “I’ll be there in 5”
Honorable mention for pita sandwiches because (a) is a pita sandwich technically a sandwich? My heart says yes but my brain says no. And (b) I would like to apologize to Jae (my sandwich-eating companion) for dealing with my “omg I’m literally two seconds away” when I’m getting my keys to leave my apartment.
Nonetheless, the “I’ll be there in 5” offers a convenient solution for those eternally on the go. Can’t be bothered to sit down in a park and enjoy your meal? Wrap some meat and veg in a warm pita and be on your way!
The Girl Boss
#slay #baddie #queen Has really badass tattoos. Regular at her local market. Manages a healthy lifestyle while working an obscene amount of hours. You trust her and fork over 22 euros. Not because of the good taste (rather lackluster actually), but for the good morals. #ethics #sustainability
Kiosk is a female-owned joint in the 2eme arrondissement, popular to the working people of the boujee office buildings surrounding. Quite expensive, the sandwiches were… okay. But the fennel side salad (not pictured) slapped and I felt happy to support this #localbusiness which opened during the pandemic.
So, which ‘wich was my favorite? Hands down Chez Alain Miam Miam. Which ‘wich am I? Honestly, I drew from some aspect of my personality to write every single one of these LOL. Hope you enjoyed, and see you next time xoxo💕